Pregnancy has heightened my sense of smell and apparently sense of feeling even more deeply than before.  I tear up over everything these days.  When catching a sweet moment between people or at a movie scene I’ve seen over and over before and never once shed a tear.  These changes make for some interesting days!

Today I lost it in front of Darren. Could hardly get the words out.

It’s like nothing I say is important.

Tears spill over.

I wasn’t referring to anything between the two of us. Lately I have been in a number of situations where I end up feeling invisible and unheard.

Is what I have to offer dumb or not intelligent? I ask Him.

He laughs and tells me that sometimes my reasoning is different. Like how I believe walking is better than running. Perspective baby! Running hurts, walking is refreshing. : )

Leaning back, He assures me that we are all different which means our ideas are different. He tells me not to back down as easily and then I laugh.

Then he sits quietly and doesn’t say too much after that as He lets me tell him about this deep wound. I love him and am grateful for his knowing me and being someone in my life who really listens when I need to be heard.

Later in the evening I was reading a book and unexpectedly found exactly what I needed to be told. God was gently assuring me.

Less of you Laura, more of Christ.

Matthew 10:39

“Anyone finding his life will lose it, and anyone losing his life because of Me will find it.”

My prayer tonight is this,

Empty me Lord and fill this heart with more of you.

All day I wanted to hear that the housework I do over and over mattered. I wanted to hear that my voice in groups is just as important as the others.  I wanted to hear that the role I have as a mother is tiring but important because…

But God.

He knew I didn’t need validation in these things but more than anything needed a reminder of to whom I belong. There is no greater significance on this earth than being His child. 

I wanted to write this because I have this suspicion that there are more women out there struggling in this. I get it, really I do. I just want to fight this fear alongside of those women who are being attacked especially in this area of not feeling good enough.

By our own strength we try to pour into ourselves in a number of different ways, depending who you are and what makes you feel important.  Anything other than Jesus will eventually leave us with this same question.

Does my life even matter?

There is an entire book of the Bible dedicated to sharing how meaningless life is without God. (Ecclesiastes)

I need Jesus, every minute of every day to remind me that a life wrapped up in me will not be a good life at all.  Though a life wrapped in Him will lead to the most meaningful one I could ever have no matter what I’m doing or who is rejecting me.

When we feel more desperate to be visible let that be our cue to stop and remind ourselves to whom we belong. We are seen by the Almighty God. Who is more valuable? Flattery is great for a moment but it won’t ever secure us.

Until next time,

Laura