Unsplash - By Simon PAPE

*I made this image awhile ago for this post, but after writing everything I’ve realized this is for all women, not only military spouses.  So please come and chat with me about friendships even if you aren’t a military spouse!

As I’ve studied the life of David {From the Bible} there was one particular part of his story that I really enjoyed reading.

His friendship with Jonathan. {1 Samuel 18-20}

It says how Jonathan loved David as his own soul.  That’s incredible, especially in the fallen world we live in.

The thing that makes their friendship even more incredible is that Saul, Jonathan’s father was trying to kill David.

I’m amazed with the way Jonathan respects his father while also loving his friend deeply with great sacrifice.

During a very rough time for David he had a friend who would be a light during dark days .  God blessed David and would use their friendship to help him escape Saul’s attempt to kill him.

This relationship teaches me something about the kind of friends I want to have and how I ought to love deeply the friends God brings into my life.

We can be careless with picking friends, and I get that.

Sometimes we’re too desperate for another girlfriend in our lives that we settle with someone who isn’t good for us.
We let them be in our inner circle and listen closely to their bad ideas which soon become our bad ideas.

We can’t be too careful in choosing friends. 

I’ve learned this the hard way in my desire to befriend everyone.

There is scripture to back up being at peace with everyone, but there is also scripture that warns;

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” -1 Corinthians 15:33

It’s okay to have friends that are different from you.  It’s actually good to have friends that challenge or hold you accountable.  We desperately need to have people in our lives that do question us {Lovingly}.

It’s been a practice of mine to dive in feet first with people and sometimes I’ve been burned and other times I’ve been really blessed.

The problem that I was having was some people weren’t good for me and I couldn’t get over that bad feeling of stepping back from those relationships.

David was in the company of Saul for some time and had a great deal of respect for him because he was God’s anointed one. They weren’t best friends though.  Even though they spent a lot of time together.

He was careful in their relationship and especially when Saul was after his life.  I believe there are ways to respect people and also protect our heart from them.  I had to get over this hurdle that God wasn’t calling me to be best friends with everyone He led into my life.

I’m just going to say it out loud to you..

Some people don’t have your best in mind.  We have to pray for discernment so that we’re not caught off guard when they turn on us.

We could really save ourselves a lot of pain from bad relationships if we take the time to pick good ones.

I’m not saying we’re looking for perfect friends. They don’t exist.

This week while having a conversation with someone close to me we found ourselves in a heated moment as we were stepping on each other’s toes.  We both left the conversation a little offended and hurt.

The neatest thing was how a very short time later that day we apologized and smoothed out the bumps because of how important we are to the other.  It was worth fighting for and it blessed me to experience grace and forgiveness and to also give that. {Without delay}

There was no guilt lobbed over either of our heads and we didn’t have to carry shame for hurting the other one. Our mouths will get us in trouble but having grace to mess up and learn, now that is a gift a friend can give!

 I’ve also experienced the opposite, where I’m pushed aside for weeks or made to feel guilty when I’ve hurt someone. An apology isn’t accepted and you are left to wait out their hurt feelings until they have allowed you back into your life.  That was horrible to experience and not the kind of friendship I ever want to be in again.

To wrap this up, I want to offer some practical ideas on finding good friends. (Thanks for sticking with me this long!)

Pray – Ask God to lead the right people into your life.

Seek out – Step out into a setting where you’ll meet other women. Don’t make the mistake of believing all ladies in church are good friends. That’s just not the truth.
But we can find some sweet women there but make sure to keep your eyes open in all environments.
One of my dearest friends was a store clerk at a book store and we got to know each other and later realized we lived in the same apartment complex!

Love deeply – Make a true effort to love a new friend or old one.  Sometimes that means in the practical ways like meeting a short-term need, and other times lifting them to God.  Also, being kind, give them grace to make mistakes, and have a good listening ear. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s more important to not give unwanted advice and to simply sit and let someone vent a little.

Have Grace – I can’t say this enough. You will be a great friend to many if you can figure this one out.
A person who dishes out grace is far removed from the drama we women often stir up.  Being a person of grace and not judgment, this is my deepest prayer! {We shouldn’t become doormats though, sorry! Isn’t this tricky stuff?}

* * *

While we are all in different seasons of friendship, there is much to gain from David and Jonathan’s relationship.

They teach us to lay down our own desires.  Did you know that Jonathan was in line to be King and he laid that down for David?

He knew God’s plan was different and was obedient.  What a sacrifice!

We’re called to sacrifice and love each other as much as we love ourselves.  Do these things and you’ll find friendships with meaning that will be a blessing throughout the years.

I would be lost without the handfuls of incredible women who have come alongside of me and taught me and loved me deeply.

May we always be a blessing, but if we should fail, let us have picked friends who lift us back up with the grace that says, ‘Let’s continue on dear friend!’

Tell me about your best friend and what makes her so wonderful!

Until next time,