You tell me that I’m nothing.

Who would really love me?

How I am fat, ugly, a failure as a wife, mother, and friend.

You’ll even use my brothers and sisters in Christ to tear me down.

Even where I never would have imagined, you have aimed to tear apart my family with one blow after the next.

This pushing and crushing leads me to want to despair and crumble into a ball.

Division that leads to silence must be your motto. And I would be all but broken and even useless if not for God.

His grip is tighter than even I know.

What we both know is that He won.

At the cross He won. A long time ago when His son came to the world and with each drop of blood, that you mocked, covered all sin.
He rose again after the price of death was paid. His spirit lives inside of me all because I uttered acceptance of the greatest gift ever given to me.

That will never get old to me and hearing it will never be boring. I don’t need to be entertained on a Sunday morning in order to bow before this King.

You push religion so that I won’t know freedom. But He smashes those chains anytime I start putting them back on. He requires obedience but extends grace because He loves me.

Never will the hunger to know Jesus be satisfied until Him and I meet face-to-face. Though you throw pleasures of the world into the path I walk, I will fight to continue this race as I gather as many people as possible to also know the hope found in God.

And you will hate me. I will probably find myself face-down in the dirt again at some point because I sin. Even then, I will call upon my God to rescue me.

I may be a lot of terrible things that you say.  But day after day I am letting God pull out the roots of sin in my heart. What you mean for evil, God is using for His glory and my good.

He is not done with me.

His love finds me no matter where I go. In the darkest place or at my worst, even then He grabs a hold of me. So tightly.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes -Ephesians 6:11

Not only do you go for me, but also for my brothers and sisters in Christ.  You drive wedges through judgments, hurtful exchanges, and sin that destroys churches and relationships. You set it up and we walk willingly into your schemes.

* * *

God instructed me of one thing that is most simple. Love others.

So while you encourage judgment, I will fight hard to extend compassion.

He created me to be sensitive. Where you meant to use that as a weakness that isolates me, God is using it to let people sit comfortably with me and share their deepest hurts while they are reminded God still loves them.

He created me to write. Where you mean to shut me up, God is building confidence.

He created me to worship. Where you mean to distract, God has captured my attention.

When I am strong I will run hard for others so they will know the truth. But when I am weak then will I call upon the Lord to strengthen me once again.

I will never forget that my enemy is not flesh and blood.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. -Ephesians 6:12

* * *

Dear friends,

I wrote this to process, and had no intention of sharing it until the thought dawned on me.

Maybe someone else needs to be reminded of how dirty our enemy will fight.

When attacks fly from every which way remember your enemy has not given up, and neither should you.

Our God will fight for us. He is not finished with you.

There is too much at stake for us to sit back and let the enemy of our soul continue to crush us. I’m praying for you today that your confidence would come from knowing the Lord and your strength would be renewed.

God is with us, always loving and always leading.

Until next time,