To my baby boy,
You were done.
We’d been in the store for exactly two minutes and you were already slipping out of the lap belt.
I quickly reached for your milk cup which you threw down, along with the goldfish.
I looked at you and said, “SIT”..and I could have sworn you rolled your eyes.
A young mom strolled by with her little girl sitting quietly in the shopping cart.
I wanted to stomp my feet and demand to know where I went wrong and why you couldn’t let me have 20 minutes to shop.
I have needed a break.
But Dad is both here and there and now he works nights so we don’t see him all the time.
And grandparents live way too far to drop you off for a couple of hours.
And mommy was at the end of her rope in need of a good cry.
I felt like your anger was my failure.
Sweet boy, you and I are going to fight this out because I am crazy about you.
Terrible 2’s may linger for the next 4 years, and these days may seem L O N G but I wouldn’t trade them for a day on the beach.
Having you in my life pushes me so close to Jesus like never before because I NEED Him in order to bring you up the right way.
It’s still hard.
Tonight you lifted your big car over when we said no…
I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time.
Here’s the thing..for awhile longer you’re not going to be able to express what’s wrong but soon you’ll learn more words and we’ll be able to sort out these moments but there will always be boundaries.
You’ll hate them.
But they are set in place because your dad and I love you and need to protect you.
So trust us.
(God intended boundries as a way to protect, not make like harder, but easier.)
I thought i’d have a little girl, I learned to french braid, i secretly bought girl outfits, and I imagined life with a baby girl until I began to sense I was going to be the mom of a boy.
And you are A L L boy!
See I’ve decided that the qualities that drive me the craziest will one day be the ones that I admire most about you son.
We’re going to stumble but I thank God for you each day, even the hard days.
I don’t know how many days we will have together but know that i’ll be trying to make each day God gives us special.
I’ll grow and so will you.
I will love God with all of my heart, soul, and mind and I’m going to teach you how to do the same.
And when you give me a two second snuggle, i’ll soak it up!
You are a gift.
Maybe my expectations of motherhood weren’t realistic in a fallen world but I’ve come to understand
The reality I’m in is full..of love, grace, forgiveness, and lessons learned.
See, nothing you do can take my love away. You can never go too far.
You will keep running away but remember I will always be there when you need me.