Dreams that fall apart.

I want to share with you a dream of mine.

 

 

This was early last spring.  I had set out to write a book on marriage! I chugged away at the computer and stuck my nose in books to research.  I confided in family and friends and was thrilled to finally be acting on this dream to write a book.

   I was really happy!

I started to feel like a somebody.  That this message about honoring God with your marriage was going to spread like a wildfire through the hearts of women that picked up this book.

But as the weeks unfolded life was happening too and my own marriage was harder.  So I paused with this dream and decided I needed more time and experience as a wife to live truth daily.  That was a good decision!  Still hard but it was good.

 

This fall as changes had been made to this blog I decided to set out on a smaller scale.  I would write a small book about embracing your life. It would be short and sweet but full of encouragement for women.  I prayed about it and asked God to give the right words that would reach into the heart of women.  I finished it and looked over the chapters and was truly excited to start editing. Two weeks ago I was editing the very first chapter when my computer crashed.
Ouch! The work was lost since I hadn’t saved it anywhere else.

It was a weird week already with a broken phone and a lost credit card but then to have our computer crash too? I had to kneel before my Lord.

<–My dream was once again paused.  I didn’t understand this time but I trusted God’s plans.  For whatever reason He was allowing me to be stopped and I wanted to listen!

For the last two weeks I have lived a really quiet life before God.

I am not always a whole person.  I struggle with who I am in Christ and have cried a lot over not feeling good enough.  I realized that writing a book for the wrong reasons is never good, and not trusting God while doing it doesn’t help!  I wanted to have a title behind my name ‘Laura Moore-Author’  That sounds believable and good enough don’t you think?

Because ‘Laura Moore-Child of God’ didn’t make me feel good enough in this world. I wanted more but I never needed more.

I serve a God who loves me and protects me, even from myself!

So I had been praying a lot over this lost book and what felt like a lost dream. I was laying in bed one night and the holy spirit moved and spoke to me.  I can’t give you word for word but a few verses came to mind as I listened.  I wanted my worth to come from titles like wife, mom, daughter, friends, writer, but it was never intended to fulfill me the way Jesus does.

In order to do this dream right, i need live a disciplined life that honors God first.  I want to reach out and love those that he places in my way but I need to be healthy in order to do that.  Writing a book and hoping it will make me feel good enough is not a good idea.  My heart and mind were not in tune.  The mind was saying this was for others but the heart was saying this was for me.
I have had to open this palm where my dream was clenched tightly and let God have this thing.  He may flick it far and say, ‘laura, i have something entirely different planned for your life’.  I’m going to be okay with that because I trust He knows my heart and his plans are better than mine.
I’m going to keep writing in the meantime, preparing, and praying.  Thank you to a wonderful teacher Jessica Heights  for sharing that.

What about you?  What dreams do you hold tight that are just not turning out the way you’d hoped?  Are you feeling like you’ve failed in some way.  Our worth truly comes from the Father first ahead of any role we have.  I believe when we accept and live that truth out day to day that our relationships and daily responsibilities will be changed.

We want to be good enough and as we chase after dreams to make us feel better lets take a note from those who have achieved a lot and realize it’s still meaningless.  Only God fills us from corner to corner.  No man, child, money, or thing can do that.

We are secure in Christ and I want to live that.  I am not an average girl even though the enemy would like me to walk around feeling that way. A King does not step down from His thrown to die for just an average girl. He looks at you and I and sees something we can’t even fathom.

So trust His plans when yours fall apart.  He has something way better in mind anyways!

Laura

4 thoughts on “Dreams that fall apart.

  1. Megan Galan

    Laura,
    I have been struggling with this issue of a crushed dream. I have always wanted to be married and have children. I can remember when I turned 18, I was devistated because I wasnt in a steady relationship but rather at college. My mom was just 19 when she had me. I wanted that close relationship that I had with her and I thought that it would only come from have children when I was ‘young’. God had other plans for me. He even stopped me when I made my own plans and had convinced a guy to marry me in 2005. It was everything I thought I wanted except it wasnt what God had planned for me. after calling off that wedding and moving back to Virginia and going through a very difficult time in my life, the Lord Placed Tony in my life again. I had know Tony for 5 years and we had been friends, He was interested at this time in a relationship, but I didnt feel ‘good enough’ for him. It took the Lord saying to me that Tony was my husband for me to consent to dating him. And we did get married a year after we started dating. And I just thought that Children would be the next logical step, them we had a misscarriage. I was devistated. Luckily we were able to become pregnant again in 4 month and we had Lucy. She is everything I could have wanted. I am very blessed to be her mom and to share my life with her. Once she turned 1, we decided to start trying for a sibiling. In the course of the last two and half years, we have had 2 more misscarriages and countless negative pregnancy tests. We have sought help from doctors and infertility specialists. I have struggled with having issues that need meds to help me to become pregnant and trust in the Lord to provide the child that he wants us to have. And even more I struggle monthly with the thought that we will only have one child. And I am blessed beyond measure that she is smart, beautiful, and loves the Lord. I can ask for no more. but I have always wanted to have lots of children, that has been ‘my’ dream. I am trying to adjust my dream to what the Lord has for me while trying to figure out what that is at the same time.
    Ijust wanted to share my story with you. I only hope that it gives you hope during this time in your life.

    Reply
    • Laura Post author

      Megan, Thank you so much for sharing this story! I was really encouraged. I just love you friend! It’s been a blessing to get to know you since I moved here.
      I’m sorry that you’ve had to adjust your dream, i know that is not easy!
      love,
      Laura

      Reply
  2. Julie Taylor

    Dear Laura,
    I can tell that you are a beautiful woman of God. Today’s post really touched my heart, especially this quote, “I serve a God who loves me and protects me, even from myself!”. God is using you in a wonderful way. His plan is shining through your words and your smile. I am almost 50 years old and the Lord has saved me from myself countless times throughout my life. I know I have not yet broken through the fear to live His plans for me. You have brought me a step (or two) closer to realizing, “A King does not step down from His thrown to die for just an average girl”. Thank you again for your Spirit filled message of hope. Blessings, Julie

    Reply
    • Laura Post author

      Julie,
      I just loved this comment from you! Thank you for sharing some of your story and being real about the fear of following God’s plans. I understand that! This was such a happy spot in my day reading this comment so thank you!
      Laura

      Reply

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