I want to share with you a dream of mine.
This was early last spring. I had set out to write a book on marriage! I chugged away at the computer and stuck my nose in books to research. I confided in family and friends and was thrilled to finally be acting on this dream to write a book.
I started to feel like a somebody. That this message about honoring God with your marriage was going to spread like a wildfire through the hearts of women that picked up this book.
But as the weeks unfolded life was happening too and my own marriage was harder. So I paused with this dream and decided I needed more time and experience as a wife to live truth daily. That was a good decision! Still hard but it was good.
This fall as changes had been made to this blog I decided to set out on a smaller scale. I would write a small book about embracing your life. It would be short and sweet but full of encouragement for women. I prayed about it and asked God to give the right words that would reach into the heart of women. I finished it and looked over the chapters and was truly excited to start editing. Two weeks ago I was editing the very first chapter when my computer crashed.
Ouch! The work was lost since I hadn’t saved it anywhere else.
It was a weird week already with a broken phone and a lost credit card but then to have our computer crash too? I had to kneel before my Lord.
For the last two weeks I have lived a really quiet life before God.
I am not always a whole person. I struggle with who I am in Christ and have cried a lot over not feeling good enough. I realized that writing a book for the wrong reasons is never good, and not trusting God while doing it doesn’t help! I wanted to have a title behind my name ‘Laura Moore-Author’ That sounds believable and good enough don’t you think?
Because ‘Laura Moore-Child of God’ didn’t make me feel good enough in this world. I wanted more but I never needed more.
I serve a God who loves me and protects me, even from myself!
So I had been praying a lot over this lost book and what felt like a lost dream. I was laying in bed one night and the holy spirit moved and spoke to me. I can’t give you word for word but a few verses came to mind as I listened. I wanted my worth to come from titles like wife, mom, daughter, friends, writer, but it was never intended to fulfill me the way Jesus does.
In order to do this dream right, i need live a disciplined life that honors God first. I want to reach out and love those that he places in my way but I need to be healthy in order to do that. Writing a book and hoping it will make me feel good enough is not a good idea. My heart and mind were not in tune. The mind was saying this was for others but the heart was saying this was for me.
I have had to open this palm where my dream was clenched tightly and let God have this thing. He may flick it far and say, ‘laura, i have something entirely different planned for your life’. I’m going to be okay with that because I trust He knows my heart and his plans are better than mine.
I’m going to keep writing in the meantime, preparing, and praying. Thank you to a wonderful teacher Jessica Heights for sharing that.
What about you? What dreams do you hold tight that are just not turning out the way you’d hoped? Are you feeling like you’ve failed in some way. Our worth truly comes from the Father first ahead of any role we have. I believe when we accept and live that truth out day to day that our relationships and daily responsibilities will be changed.
We want to be good enough and as we chase after dreams to make us feel better lets take a note from those who have achieved a lot and realize it’s still meaningless. Only God fills us from corner to corner. No man, child, money, or thing can do that.
We are secure in Christ and I want to live that. I am not an average girl even though the enemy would like me to walk around feeling that way. A King does not step down from His thrown to die for just an average girl. He looks at you and I and sees something we can’t even fathom.
So trust His plans when yours fall apart. He has something way better in mind anyways!