To the Adversary of God

Time Alone

You tell me that I’m nothing.

Who would really love me?

How I am fat, ugly, a failure as a wife, mother, and friend.

You’ll even use my brothers and sisters in Christ to tear me down.

Even where I never would have imagined, you have aimed to tear apart my family with one blow after the next.

This pushing and crushing leads me to want to despair and crumble into a ball.

Division that leads to silence must be your motto. And I would be all but broken and even useless if not for God.

His grip is tighter than even I know.

What we both know is that He won.

At the cross He won. A long time ago when His son came to the world and with each drop of blood, that you mocked, covered all sin.
He rose again after the price of death was paid. His spirit lives inside of me all because I uttered acceptance of the greatest gift ever given to me.

That will never get old to me and hearing it will never be boring. I don’t need to be entertained on a Sunday morning in order to bow before this King.

You push religion so that I won’t know freedom. But He smashes those chains anytime I start putting them back on. He requires obedience but extends grace because He loves me.

Never will the hunger to know Jesus be satisfied until Him and I meet face-to-face. Though you throw pleasures of the world into the path I walk, I will fight to continue this race as I gather as many people as possible to also know the hope found in God.

And you will hate me. I will probably find myself face-down in the dirt again at some point because I sin. Even then, I will call upon my God to rescue me.

I may be a lot of terrible things that you say.  But day after day I am letting God pull out the roots of sin in my heart. What you mean for evil, God is using for His glory and my good.

He is not done with me.

His love finds me no matter where I go. In the darkest place or at my worst, even then He grabs a hold of me. So tightly.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes -Ephesians 6:11

Not only do you go for me, but also for my brothers and sisters in Christ.  You drive wedges through judgments, hurtful exchanges, and sin that destroys churches and relationships. You set it up and we walk willingly into your schemes.

* * *

God instructed me of one thing that is most simple. Love others.

So while you encourage judgment, I will fight hard to extend compassion.

He created me to be sensitive. Where you meant to use that as a weakness that isolates me, God is using it to let people sit comfortably with me and share their deepest hurts while they are reminded God still loves them.

He created me to write. Where you mean to shut me up, God is building confidence.

He created me to worship. Where you mean to distract, God has captured my attention.

When I am strong I will run hard for others so they will know the truth. But when I am weak then will I call upon the Lord to strengthen me once again.

I will never forget that my enemy is not flesh and blood.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. -Ephesians 6:12

* * *

Dear friends,

I wrote this to process, and had no intention of sharing it until the thought dawned on me.

Maybe someone else needs to be reminded of how dirty our enemy will fight.

When attacks fly from every which way remember your enemy has not given up, and neither should you.

Our God will fight for us. He is not finished with you.

There is too much at stake for us to sit back and let the enemy of our soul continue to crush us. I’m praying for you today that your confidence would come from knowing the Lord and your strength would be renewed.

God is with us, always loving and always leading.

Until next time,


Ordinary Moments

Even though I’m not sharing anything too profound here today, I hope you enjoy some of the ordinary everyday things in this post.

Last week I met with some ladies from church for our monthly ‘coffee date’.  Even though I love the coffee part, I really love the fun conversations and relationships that are connections I also love to dress up for an evening out!  One of my friends was talking about how great it is just to put on a necklace and earrings! I knew exactly what she meant.

Sunday mornings are a rush and often the conversations go as deep as, ‘Hey! How are you? Good? Good!’.
I love that our pastor’s wife and another woman have been faithful to make this once a month night happen. I’ve appreciated that time hearing their funny stories, crockpot recipes, how they love their neighbors, share their testimony, or anything that is shared. It’s great to have that reminder that you really aren’t alone.

This week I was trying to find something fun for Garrett and I to do inside because it was super cold again.

We chose to bake and play a little indoor golf!



We also have really enjoyed painting.


I am itching for warmer weather like everyone else who has endured a most miserable winter. I love to laugh about this with anyone who typically doesn’t mind the snow or winter months around Christmas time. Even we were disappointed when those white flurries arrived on a March 25th morning!

Yesterday Garrett and I jumped into the car and headed up to Wisconsin to visit with my two older sisters for the day. We had such a great time together and Garrett and my sister’s two boys had a blast all day long. 970976_10152361444425992_622374051_n

I’m always amazed at how well these boys play together. There’s the occasional moment but they love to be with each other. I had great relationships with my cousins and that was something I really wanted for my children too.

It’s in all these ordinary moments where God gives me an opportunity to praise Him further. There are circumstances that can bring you flat on your back and it’s painful and hard to get back up. Moving forward with the right attitude is a struggle but giving thanks sets your eyes back on Christ. I know that i’m not speaking anything you haven’t heard before! : ) It’s just that sometimes I spend days thinking about what is going wrong or how i’m not measuring up that I miss out on seeing all these gifts.

I learned long ago that no change in scenery or a set of new faces would ever bring me to peace. True contentment comes from the Lord. So while I’m reminding myself of that often it makes it easier not to expect Darren, Garrett, friends, our church, a town, or anything else to sustain me.  It puts the pressure off other people and makes it a whole lot easier to give grace when you aren’t expecting as much.

Until next time,


A little about the book and three year olds


A while ago I talked about writing a book titled, ‘Significant’ and as of today not one word is found in the word document set aside for it.  Notes were scribbled in the green notebook, and phone, and the tablet.  It was hard to understand why but last fall I sensed the Holy Spirit pressing me to wait.

The vision for that book formed after I called out to God one day.

Do I really matter?

Its been a long time since asking that question, and some time after that God started unfolding an incredible answer.

He allowed some major pillars in my life, where I found security and significance, fall. That was really hard because I ended up sitting down in that mess feeling frustrated and angry with Him.

I took that question to many sources, only to find this heart still un-fulfilled and disappointed.

Until I took it to Christ.

What I believe is that almost everyone will wonder about the difference their life will make.  There’s a lot of people who have been and will be, making us long for an even deeper meaning.

It will be exciting to start writing but for now God is still working this out in my heart.

I wanted to share a little update for anyone a little curious about what happened to that book I mentioned long ago.

~ ~ ~ ~

I wanted to share the picture above because when Darren saw me today he said I looked modern. : ) If you know me well, then you’re aware of my lack of style.  I can’t figure out how to piece outfits together but today, on a day I’m not leaving the house, I match!

Yesterday Garrett and I sat on the kitchen floor and painted a space shuttle and astronaut. I love having those moments with him even though there was a power struggle over how to paint. Playing

We have entered year three and I’m already exhausted! Seriously, people warned me that two was nothing compared to three and now I get it.

I’ve accepted that each day I’ll be requesting more patience. One second he is whining for yogurt and the next he is pushing it away because the strawberry chunk has disgusted him.  Lord help me!

Be firm, consistent, and patient is my new motto, preached often to myself.

As with any new stage there are also a number of sweet things ushered in.

My son told me today that I was pretty and then sang to me, ‘Do you want to build a snowman..okay, bye’. {From the movie Frozen} I love this child!

Hope you are having a peaceful day!

Until next time,