Summer Days

Hey!

I thought it was about time to begin writing here again.

Hopefully your summer has been awesome! With plenty of sunshine, warmth, and time with your loved ones.

We finally set up Garrett’s pool along with the sprinkler and that has been a lot of fun for him.  We have visited family, gone to an amusement park, had a great 4th of July with family, spent a good amount of time with our friends, and stayed in to play at home. I’ve enjoyed yard work and seeing all the beautiful flowers bloom. Most of them were already here before we moved in and it’s been this incredible surprise to see what will show up. At the side of our house we even had sunflowers! I loved those.

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I’ve felt a lot better since my last post. God walked me through a really dark valley and I learned a lot about Him. I also felt like what I knew about Him was confirmed. He is good and faithful. There are moments that I still hurt but that’s normal. Thank you again for praying for me.  I finally came to the conclusion that this is part of living in a broken world and it was never God’s plan in the first place. That realization brought me hope and I don’t care to go any deeper into theology at this time. :) I trust God. He has loved me very well and even deeper than I can comprehend and I realize He ‘okayed’ this to touch my life, but He won’t let this pain be meaningless and I have hope in that.

I’ll leave you with a few snapshots of our summer.

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IMG_3400We went raspberry picking and had a blast! That evening we made freezer jam with what we had and it turned out delicious. It only lasts a week in the fridge and a year in the freezer so i’m wishing that I would have put them in smaller jars. Now i’ll know for next time! Being at the farm was refreshing. I am so at ease in the country.

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Below is a photo from the 4th of July! That’s my momma! She is the best and I really do love being her daughter.

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Iced coffee has been my summer time favorite as far as treats go! I started making them at home now to be more frugal but now and then when I am out running errands I will stop and pick one up. They just taste a little better when they’re made for me. ;)

 

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Garrett has been the highlight of my summer. Watching him grow into a kind boy really makes me proud. He has moments like we all do and perfection is just never going to be realistic, but I see partly where God created that tender heart in Him, and where Garrett chooses to see others and show kindness to them. It’s really neat and i’m glad he’s my little boy.

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We still have more summer days to enjoy and I’m excited for how we’ll be filling them!

If you want to follow me on Instagram here is my page!

Talk with you again soon.

Laura

Our Miscarriage

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It’s taken me awhile to gather all of my thoughts but here they are.

After almost 3 years of trying to grow our family we finally gasped with joy when the pregnancy test read positive.

We celebrated.  I hardly knew how to wait all those months until our baby would arrive safe in these arms. I thanked God over and over, told Him how full my heart was.

At the store I looked for a cute pair of baby socks but decided to wait until I could find something cuter. I couldn’t believe that finally these feet would stand in the baby isles again.

What beautiful moments those were.

We celebrated with family and decided to wait a little longer to share our happy news with everyone else.

Then one morning at 4am I woke up in terrible pain.  I curled in and held my knees against my chest trying not to wake Darren.  Later the blood came and as I searched hopeful stories, I knew this wasn’t right.

I cried in the bathroom.

No No No. Oh Lord, please no.

The pain continued to progress that day.

Trying to stay calm I called the nurse and she instructed me to head into the emergency room.

As I waited for Darren to get himself together I grabbed my journal and pen;

Tonight I don’t see the goodness of God in this and I’m so sorry for that….I’m going to be okay, I’m going to see the goodness of God in this pain but tonight i’m leaning into Him with eyes shut and cries pouring out. I can’t see anything.

We found the nearest emergency room. I placed the gown on and laid down on crinkly paper still hoping that my baby was going to be okay.

As the doctor returned each time she grew more gentle and finally came in and placed her hand on my knee as she confirmed our baby was gone.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t think. I was trying to be polite and assure the doctor that it was okay. .

Rising up I put my clothes back on and we slowly walked back to our car.

That was it. My sweet baby was gone.

* * *

My mother had me come to visit for a few days. I was loved well during my stay.  That first night we sat in her craft room as she painted and I told her in tears how much I wanted this baby.  The waves of emotion would come harder than I could have imagined.

It felt like a cruel joke.

I had learned how to trust God with infertility …but to be given a baby and then have it taken away was very different.

It’s still hard to gather my thoughts on this.  I wanted an explanation for this loss but instead God has led me into a deeper understanding of Him and I have to tell you how much peace this has brought me.

With those closest to me I had shared through the tears how unloved I felt. It crushed me that God would allow such a strange and heartbreaking unfolding of His plan.

He stayed with me though.611

 

Through flowers from friends, the tightest hugs i’ve ever received. With family and friends loving me incredibly well and giving me permission to hurt right in front of them, I could see where God was.

I wanted to see our baby grow through the years, more than I can put into words. It makes me sad that for whatever reason that wasn’t part of God’s plan.

Honestly there were moments when everything I held dear about the Lord seemed to be gone. When I could, this was the verse I preached to myself.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

It’s been difficult but I am trusting God in ways I didn’t before.

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I decided to study the book of Job this last month and it’s been very painful to read. As much as I want to skip to the good part and ignore the suffering, i’m not. :)

This book really shows the time of mourning, hurt, sorrow, and pain Job went through. I don’t have any clue why in my mind I had thought Job jumped back with praises for God. There was a lot of dialogue in between.

One more thing and then I’ll let you go!

This time has allowed me to see the gift of my boy all over again.

 

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I have loved these 4 years with my son. I don’t want to take motherhood for granted because it’s a great gift from God.

Thank you for praying. I have appreciated your notes of encouragement too!

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love,

Laura

Changes

It’s pouring down rain this morning. It makes the perfect setting for good music, coffee, and writing in this space.

The last two months have been busier than I expected. We decided to move from our duplex home to a single family home. Moving is a big deal and typically there’s stress in a move. But this time it was the least stressful move we’ve experienced. There was a great deal of peace surrounding the entire transition.

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Moving day went really well too. Our family and one of our friends came over to help us.

Here are a few pictures of our first week at the new house.

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I’m over-joyed by this fireplace.

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IMG_1548I’m still figuring out where everything goes while having fun decorating.

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IMG_1541This backyard is one of my favorite parts of our home.

IMG_1584Garrett has also been loving it!

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* * *

I wanted to put this on the facebook page but will share it here since it’s too long for a facebook post. :)

Last month I spent one evening listening to John Piper’s talk on the life and ministry of Charles Spurgeon. I love to study the Bible but I also love to learn about the people around and before me who lived out Christ-likeness well.

Learning Theology is important to me and even though I had heard quotes like the ones below from Spurgeon it wasn’t until hearing this talk that I was just blown away by His heart for God and other people. He preached Biblical truth without apology. I hope the preachers of our time will continue to do that. Good teaching is hard to listen to but so important.

“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God, because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets, and do not thoughtfully meditate on God’s Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord. . . .”
― Charles H. Spurgeon

“If Christ is not all to you He is nothing to you. He will never go into partnership as a part Saviour of men. If He be something He must be everything, and if He be not everything He is nothing to you.”
― Charles H. Spurgeon

“If we never have headaches through rebuking our children, we shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up.”
― Charles H. Spurgeon

{I included the link above for that talk if you wanted to listen.}

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Well, I hope you are doing great! We are finally seeing more spring weather and that’s been very refreshing!

Until next time,

Laura